The Circle of Fire

The Circle of Fire

I went to a much desired retreat on September 21-23rd, 2018 which coincided with the fall equinox, and a full moon, and an overall large number of major events in the spiritual realm. The overall message I take from walking in a dream, in a shamanic journey which this trip represents to me is that of being a witness, I saw mothers love, I saw Quetzalcoatl, messages were delivered and new seeds were planted.

Overall I was asked to move away from performing for others and start performing for the elements, the mountain, the spirit, and in general for presence. Some of the observations that I was able to gather are attached to conditional love, like:

1.  The woman or the line of women in me have strong pain attached with self worth, and hence, every time I, in this body start to feel good, I feel the need to show it off, in any way that is a call for approval. 
2. More often than not, the attention sought is in the form of male energy. Not necesarily a gender, but rather a figure of authority or someone whose approval is gather high in prestige for example. And personally, the more  I observe, the more I find that its annoying. Because then of course I come to question if I do things because of who and what I am or if I do them to seek approval, and to feel worth, to accumulate points in a ridiculous point accumulation contest with no winner.

Among other observations that are present to me through the path that I have taken by deciding to pursuit the path of the sorceress, the one that serves source, that works with source, that guards source and that will eventually merge with it.

The fact is that by me entering the path in which I am, I have currently been in a position where I can only see now things that are immediately necessary for me to see, everything reflects to me right away, And I am bless to be able to discern from receiving information from other people, and the reflection meant for me as a reflection. At the beginning I really started to not like it, I was being asked to step away from things that for me were what I wanted to do, I was taking it as life putting stop signs to my hearts desire, but they were never my hearts desire, I have understood that not getting what I want at the time I want, from when and where I wanted, is a gift and I continue to receive those gifts every day, for they have helped me to question the reason behind this.

I met great teachers, great people and I danced with the desert, for the desert, for the mother, for the night, and as the days progressed, and the classes and the insight got deeper and all I wanted to was to dance , I realized that it was hand in hand with the surrendering that they were talking about, to let love through and let the miracles happen. I started observing my obsessive behaviors and I realized that no matter how much genuinely I want to do things it always came down to, ok now i need some recognition. Furthermore, I am purposely walking away from conditional love, but then I want to evaluate my progress in terms of conditional love. How is that ever going to really help? That my parameters for evaluation must change so, what does that mean? Attempt to identify the times you seek approval, or rather me as a woman in this world. How am I trying to get the praise? and if I am in too deep, then at least log what are the results you are getting, which must likely will be frustration because that is exactly what you are doing yourself when you seek for approval outside yourself, when you can only be certain of your progress when someone else validates it for you.

I leave my self with some words, in this transition to owning self worth, and self love, owning and working with your obsessions as a means to tell you something about yourself:

"Be kind to yourself, and show yourself some love, some patience, some admiration for the work you are doing, not compared to anyone but on what it means to you and how does it feel to you. Did you see a miracle happen? love, openly and with no conditions. Show love just because you have love to give, not because someone deserves it or because someone pleased you, show love regardless of what you get back. You do not need anybody's permission to love, we may need some sort of understanding when it comes to express love, but really loving someone doesn't need the recipient's permission, heck they don't even need to know, just love! Just be aware and let the love flow, the love that comes from you, the love that comes from mother and the love that comes from father." 

Love as we know it

Student:

What is love?

Dare I say, where can I find it?

How does it look like, 

And how does it taste like?

Teacher:

Where the sand meets the end of a wave, there is love

where the feeling to give overwhelms you, there is love

the space where magic and miracles come from, 

that is a room full of love.

Student:

I get it, I will buy a beautiful house on the beach,

I will give away by the loads and study miracles

Then I will see love, right?

Teacher:

Love as we know it is a tricky thing, 

We are taught that love is hearts, and bears and flowers

And we are not taught why.

The heart reminds us to flow and always come back to center,

bears are fierce creatures protectors and wild,

flowers remind us of the potential of a seed, 

flowers teach us about diversity of beauty, 

but overall these memes for love invite us to remember,

To remember that they are love themselves, they come from love and will go to love.

I am sure that if you take the journey you have planned out, you will see love

Not because there is a recipe, but because you are love wanting to find love

And once the intention to know yourself is set, nothing and none can stop that stream.

The pursuit of hapiness

The pursuit of happiness

Feelings and emotions. It seems that they are never over, they never stop and even when you

start being able to detach, an emotion of guilt covers you making you feel like you are not normal.

I run my day every day hoping for a perfect feeling... and I get those moments sporadically, when I'm allowed to just appreciate my surroundings, otherwise I am just overwhelmed with all this energy inside of me wanting to get out.

And it usually goes out in frustration, in complaining in feeling with time and the world over my shoulders. And then I go out thinking is all me, that I am the only one with a hectic life and all these things that run through my head, all my little or big obstacles.

The truth is that I've overcome some of the greatest judges in my life... and as I conquered the big ones I went on thinking I was done, not paying attention to the little ones, the mundane ones. And I finally understand that as long as I continue pursuing happiness and expecting for

perfection, for exactness, wishing for time, wishing for help, wishing .... the furthest away I go.

Today I feel connected through the energy that guides my emotions with the energy that flows through the world. I saw my emotions and feelings as just waves of an influx of energy... I saw me as just a mere artifact. Just like trees flow air, we are instruments in flowing energy.

Today I thought: maybe I have no problems at all... maybe I'm just processing energy. They are not real, only love is real for all is love trying to be expressed. I am not even human, I am a tree.... I dig deep looking for home because I need to lay my roots and I continue to want more because I want to grow high... it's unconscious , it's coded in our DNA, to be able to process the

energy from down up and help it recycle.... we are not the top of the chain, we are a filter. Let's

shed our egos that we are the top race of this world and do our job, to learn from our grandparents the trees to have roots that interconnect the whole world, to provide shelter and shade... to be a safe place during the dark, to be part of the cycle of life.

Hover over me lord, Goddess, allow me to be the better filter, allow me to detach from my circumstances and do my job to process. A tree never gives out CO2 , help me give love 100% of the time, shed me from my expectations of love ... remind me that love hides in the dark as well as in the light. I am a God when I am IN Love

Life as we know it

There are times in life when you simply do not remember anything about yourself. When everything seems a play, a stage and you feel just like Truman in the Truman show. Where everyone knows except you, and usually the first instinct is to go back to a place in your past where you perceived yourself as safe and sound, but automatically that idea is refuted because if everything is a stage, then that place that you so long seek is also a non existent place, it is rather a memory of the illusion of being safe.

I used to feel like that a lot, and I still do sometimes, when I just want silence and to be embraced by the darkness, for the darkness expects nothing of me, and it can show me a glimpse of memory of who am I really. Before I embraced the darkness, I was terrified by it, It made me feel evil, and as if there was something wrong with me, for the darkness is where we dont go, specially when we are young, specially when the people around you are so afraid you will be lost.

When I speak of the darkness I do not mean an evil place, I mean a place under the earth where all seeds rest before they sprout. I refer to it, as my good friend Lily reminded me... a womb where a baby is comforted for the first 9 months, where the baby becomes.

I have learned that the only way to step through the stages of life when the darkness makes a personal invitation to you, is to stand on truths. I call them my lily-pads, for they grow out of the mud, but they grow so that I can step on them, and so I can be reminded of my own truth. Once I start recognizing truth, it is easy to go back and feel good about your life, because even though much of the surface is an illusion, you start to recognize the truths of your growth, and every time you do that it makes a little bit more sense. It clears the path in front of you, and behind you.

I recently talked to a cousin of mine, Max, and we were talking about how sometimes we dont remember what causes us to feel certain ways. Trying to make a point I digged in to my past, and I found a jewel, a pearl, a gift of understanding. And it has brought to me a whole new idea that maybe, just maybe ... I designed this just this way. This brings about a theory of the evolution of man's consciousness that as I think of it, it sounds a lot of what the Buddha talked about.

Christianity has paved the way for reincarnation in more ways than one, hence positioning itself out there with Hinduism as an old religion, with truth in the midst of the stories designed to control the masses. So reincarnation is real, and karma is real, and the soul journey is real, where past experiences design future experiences until lessons are learned. The Buddha spoke of the wheel of Karma and how we were subject to it, until we would realize our Dharma and escape the wheel. Jesus spoke of the kingdom of God to be a kingdom for those that follow him. Jesus is the way, the Tao, the Dharma, and the kingdom of God is the escape from the wheel.

If this is truth, then there are two types of reincarnation (Probably way many more) but that I can see, or start to see. One is the one where you are inside the wheel, and you just go through the soul journey, until you have learned the lessons that need to be learned to ascend or in other words to be worthy of the kingdom of God, or through experiences needed to neutralize Karma. There are contracts, soul groups and such that as they become more aware as souls, they continue to travel together to go through it all over again. However these souls still are in training the consciousness in expansion, they are no less nor more, they just are playing the programs that they need to play to rise their awareness of who they are.

Then there is the second sort of reincarnation, which is deliberately, to your own design, a last test if you will. One that is designed in such an exact way, a clock work. There is no recipe for everyone is different, but the ultimate goal is the same, to go in one last time, to do it all over again, and this time, to escape the game completely, to join source. There is a chance to believe that there may be a group as well, a study group that are in the same stage and that they all decided to come through one more time or that they come at it alone. It doesn't matter, all that matters is that the design is perfect, and it makes sense, it has specific commands to keep you on track, as if you thought about all the shiny things that will distract you, and it keeps you, until you can remember. Yet remembering is only the first step, then you must take the reign of your Dharma once more, continue the study, once more, and get out of the Karma that you had to create in order to come again. But if everything goes well, at the end you will be one with source, and the mission will be complete.

This understanding humbles me, for I know nothing about anybody else's journey. I know not what stage they are in, For all I know they are Masters that designed their life as they did for a reason, maybe as a favor for humanity. For all I know these sleeping giants are just waiting for us to be ready.

Thank you for your Assistance

Sometimes we long for home right?
Sense of "this is not where I am supposed to be" ...
you probably are right,
you are probably from a star,
but we need you now...
you came to help us humans find our way back.
So .... on behalf of us humans, we thank you for your sacrifice,
we know that it hurts to have this skin, to feel, to be apart from home...

You are selfless spiritual warriors from across the galaxy.
You will go back home, and it will be glorious... because of the deed you are doing here...
Hold on for us and thank you! ... and remember,
since you have our skin now, you are human, you are one of us too,
and we protect you too... we embrace you,
and we want you to remember how to shine,
we love you and you are our sister.

Thank you!

My comitment

The way I see it, one of the greatest fears I have had in my life has been the ability to commit, some may argue that his was because of my father did not commit to me, and those people may be partially right, however it is not only my father that showed me how to not commit, if anything his "on the face" lack of commitment was the best lighting that made clear the fact that people on earth have trouble committing. And I say people of earth, because I can only imagine that other entities, in higher realms, are committed to their existence, hence their longevity and their purpose on a large scale.

And just for the record, I dont believe in other life forms.... I KNOW... that there are countless of other beings that have been around for eons, and their existence permeates every layer of the known and unknown universes. There are beings in lower realms of existence, and also beings in higher realms of existence and this is truth.

But today, I am not expanding on other lives, I am expanding on my life and my insight, why? Because as above so below baby!!! If you are in the search for meaning, and truth, you know that the truth lays within you, and that you just have to scratch the surface of your own being to understand the macro and then... well you know the drill "How far down the rabbit hole you want to go?"

Back to commitment... I observe and people have lost their commitment, we go through life thinking that none can tie us down, because we are free... but are we really free or are we cowards and we can not commit, not to other, and not to ourselves, but to our purpose.

It is from the commitment to a purpose that the WORD gains power, and that the actions have meaning, when an ordinary person becomes a wizard, an architect of their own reality, an artist of their life.

It is my understanding that before we arrive, we know our mission, but it is only half of the mission, during our lives, not only must we remember the mission, but complete it and evolve.

Commitment to your purpose, once you find it... or at least when you can see the path, that may lead you to new views, new missions, new wonders... is a step that we must find.

Today, I can not claim that I have found my purpose in life, but I can say that I see the path in front of me, and I recognize it, because it feels like in my life... everything that has ever had meaning, everything that has left a print in my field, was a clue... a clue of the spiral I have walked for thousands of years, for within my shared experience lays the heart of a bigger purpose, a bigger being... a being called "humanity" and that is the path I see in front of me... To be the artist, that inspires, that creates, that calls on the eye of the stars and that is invited to savor the immensity of all the possibilities, the one that with a pure heart is called to guard those that need guarding, the one that is called to awaken those that are ready... That is who I aim and aspire to be one day, a representative of humanity in the higher orders of existence, to unlock the magic in me, to see energy in motion, to be energy in motion, to gain knowledge and to make it available to everyone so that they know where they came from, and so they can see the path of their own purpose.

My commitment is to the path of magic, knowledge love and humanity with an open heart, with reverence to the Goddess and God.

Story of a Fallen Star

I was blinded by the smile and your eyes.
After watching about thousands of planets through millions of years, after seeing all the stories and all the lies, one day we crossed paths. And then you saw me, and you blinked your eyes and I could hear your heart. After that we talked every day, you were my only friend, the only one that had ever made me feel alive.

And one day you forgot, I saw your world grow dark, darker than the usual color of the night. I could not hear you, and then one day I saw you in that edge. How could you think you were alone? How could you think your life was not worth?

You see, the sky shined brighter ever since the first time you blinked at me... did you think it was a coincidence? I screamed and you could not hear. So yes! I was blinded, I could not bare to lose that light that comes off from your smile. And I rushed across the skies, I had to come to tell you that you are wrong, that I need you because you make this eternity less dull. Because I didn't know humans until I met you. .... You saw me!