Editorial Note

The present is a note addressed to the last three posts.

First of all I would like to make it clear that these are not suicidal notes, they are rather an outlet of expression. I sometimes go through very rough times that feel like a force beyond my control wanting to rip the fabric of my body. These moments are very painful for me, and even though until today I have mostly kept them quiet, I have come to realize that maybe I need to be honest with myself first, and secondly with anyone that may at some point resonate with these posts.

I have never attempted against my own life, maybe once when I was a teenager I had an attempt that was more stupid than accurate, and even until today I regret it as it kills my left wrist during winter, and I am reminder of the stupid things that I can do that will have an effect on me for the rest of my life. But beyond that instance I have not attempted against my life, I have prayed for my life to end, I have visualized in dreams and in imagination how I would like to be met by the angel of death. I have looked for summoning spells for death to take me, and I have overall begged for mercy when things get to dense in here.

But I am still here, and I guess if you resonate with any of the posts from June 30, 2018 then I have to tell you that first of all, you are not alone, that for some of us this pain has meaning beyond what our 3D body can see. And that if the next day you are still here, without taking matters into your own hand, then it means that somehow you are still not done.

Remember that through our life, before we incarnate we set up exit strategies for our soul, and then most of us have several exit strategies during our life time, and without taking things into our own hands, we will meet these exit strategies, and in those exit strategies we will be able to make a decision. I think I have passed a few already of those, I remember once I was presented with the choice and I chose to stay, even though the feeling of wanting to leave continues to strike me, I know how those exit strategies look like and I am telling you, to hold on, not for me, not for you, not for your family, not even a purpose, rather wait for what your soul set forward for you... wait for the opportunity to leave on your own terms, I trust that it will come.

In the mean time, look for a community that can support you during these times, I know some of these feelings never go away, and they are always lingering, but there are ways to either bring all those other aspects of your being to surface and counterpart that call for darkness for you. Talk to someone that maybe doesn't know you, reach out, always reach out because sometimes when talking and explaining and hearing yourself out loud you are able to discern what is it really you, and what is it really maybe something else in the works. When I wrote these last 3 parts I figured out many things and I was able to separate myself from my pain, and start to understand it, and see beyond it.

Some people may be very sensitive to the energy surges in the planet, and feel overwhelmed, others might feel other people's pain all the time, there are exceptional beings incarnate today in the world that go through this, whatever it is, there is a community that will support what you are going through. So do not give up, because even though we believe in the afterlife, and we know the journey of the soul, we do not know for sure, we are not for sure we will come back, that we will remember what we gathered, we do not know, and there is a chance that you may be risking your progress if you take matters into your own hands.

The last one

Some may say "she gave up", some might say "she was strong" what they say I should not care, for both are true, I gave up and I have been so strong for so many for so long. I will move on with my blood tattooed across the land that embraced me, let my organic body feed the land that fed me and nurtured me, and when all the blood is spilled, knit a blanket with my hair and burn it to hell, to honor the life I built just to burn to the ground. Take my heart and throw it in a pond, for fishes to feast on what I could never rejoice.

And let my death be pointless, for they will say "she had it all" but you know this was the evil joke you planned for me all along. To fill me with pain in the middle of a rainbow, to make sure none knew. It was you who planned revenge on my soul the moment I went to seek for my own sun. I have learned my lesson, I cant outrun you, but I've also learned you are vengeful, and that makes you as imperfect as your toy. So kill me softly, and quietly, pour water in my fire, and as you extinguish my breath, you will know that you are not better than me, for by doing this to me you prove the reason why I jumped into the dark to find my own light.

Part 3 of 3

The Soul Evolution of the Brujo

Today I heard in UNAM radio http://www.radio.unam.mx/ i the 9-10AM time slot some interesting information about the phenomena that some cultures have documented as part of their belief system through the centuries. The presence of brujos and men of great power is often described in some indigenous cultures. I hereby offer a story based on this fact.

Times have been sometimes dark and sometimes lighter, although they have never been all light for me. I have been in the darkest of times, and through the times when the light took over, and through the time that I was adored, demonized and plain wrong.

On the contrary, a person that has been in the light for all of its known existence is a person that has a shield of protection placed by a mother like figure, they must descend of a protected blood. They are by default just men and women and overall happy contributors of their environment, without the need to question their reality, but rather accept it. This is what some would call a privileged existence for they learn from infancy the agreements that will provide them with the right thought process that will allow them to manifest their own contentment. They are the majority, and that is why when there are massive awakenings, these privileged beings are the most tempted to rebel, for it is their first time hearing about something they were oblivious to. Without massive disruption these souls continue their evolution in a gradual way, doing right by default and not by conviction. These people can be woken, although it would mean to take a protection that had been granted to them, and leave them to fend for themselves. Hence, a privileged can only seek the darkness, the darkness can not come to it as it comes to some of us, from very early in our lives.

Those brewed in darkness have loved it, breath it, left it behind, come back to it, swore it off, and embraced it back. And this is where I have been, I have by now been in the darkness more than there has been light, and yet here I am trying to find a place, an place between the comfort of the darkness and the warmth of the light.

I remember when there was no law, and we would linger through the souls of humans, those that feared us. Yesterday in the radio there was mentioned of an indigenous culture of Mexico where they described how it used to happen from time to time that a brujo would impregnate a woman in her sleep, an immaculate conception, and that since this birth was not naturally scheduled but forced then a kid in town would start vanishing by sickness to compensate the unbalance. As I listened I recognized some things, for example that when men started to study the mystic arts ages ago, they would grow in a specific scope of geography, so all around the world, human evolution took on the mystic religion, not only by belief but by practice.

Great beings of power for many years were on their own, they learned and evolved by trail and error, and things like that mentioned in the radio, even though not exactly like that, but very similar where one could force its own rebirth. These kinds of things had taken place in more cultures than we are aware of today; however to this date there are easier ways and heavier preoccupations in which the mystic partakes. There are councils now that oversee these kinds of forbidden practices, that require human sacrifice. The ones that might practice to this date are societies that are inclined to the practice of what would be considered souls that are stuck in their evolution by the pursuit of absolute power.

These are some of the things I have remembered through my life in this time. I am not sure I have caused this birth on will, I know I have chosen the partners I would do it, I also know those that had been previously chosen were also in the darkness so its hard to say if we are at it again, or if we are really trying to bridge the light and the night. If we are shadows, or reflections, or both.

Life as we know it

There are times in life when you simply do not remember anything about yourself. When everything seems a play, a stage and you feel just like Truman in the Truman show. Where everyone knows except you, and usually the first instinct is to go back to a place in your past where you perceived yourself as safe and sound, but automatically that idea is refuted because if everything is a stage, then that place that you so long seek is also a non existent place, it is rather a memory of the illusion of being safe.

I used to feel like that a lot, and I still do sometimes, when I just want silence and to be embraced by the darkness, for the darkness expects nothing of me, and it can show me a glimpse of memory of who am I really. Before I embraced the darkness, I was terrified by it, It made me feel evil, and as if there was something wrong with me, for the darkness is where we dont go, specially when we are young, specially when the people around you are so afraid you will be lost.

When I speak of the darkness I do not mean an evil place, I mean a place under the earth where all seeds rest before they sprout. I refer to it, as my good friend Lily reminded me... a womb where a baby is comforted for the first 9 months, where the baby becomes.

I have learned that the only way to step through the stages of life when the darkness makes a personal invitation to you, is to stand on truths. I call them my lily-pads, for they grow out of the mud, but they grow so that I can step on them, and so I can be reminded of my own truth. Once I start recognizing truth, it is easy to go back and feel good about your life, because even though much of the surface is an illusion, you start to recognize the truths of your growth, and every time you do that it makes a little bit more sense. It clears the path in front of you, and behind you.

I recently talked to a cousin of mine, Max, and we were talking about how sometimes we dont remember what causes us to feel certain ways. Trying to make a point I digged in to my past, and I found a jewel, a pearl, a gift of understanding. And it has brought to me a whole new idea that maybe, just maybe ... I designed this just this way. This brings about a theory of the evolution of man's consciousness that as I think of it, it sounds a lot of what the Buddha talked about.

Christianity has paved the way for reincarnation in more ways than one, hence positioning itself out there with Hinduism as an old religion, with truth in the midst of the stories designed to control the masses. So reincarnation is real, and karma is real, and the soul journey is real, where past experiences design future experiences until lessons are learned. The Buddha spoke of the wheel of Karma and how we were subject to it, until we would realize our Dharma and escape the wheel. Jesus spoke of the kingdom of God to be a kingdom for those that follow him. Jesus is the way, the Tao, the Dharma, and the kingdom of God is the escape from the wheel.

If this is truth, then there are two types of reincarnation (Probably way many more) but that I can see, or start to see. One is the one where you are inside the wheel, and you just go through the soul journey, until you have learned the lessons that need to be learned to ascend or in other words to be worthy of the kingdom of God, or through experiences needed to neutralize Karma. There are contracts, soul groups and such that as they become more aware as souls, they continue to travel together to go through it all over again. However these souls still are in training the consciousness in expansion, they are no less nor more, they just are playing the programs that they need to play to rise their awareness of who they are.

Then there is the second sort of reincarnation, which is deliberately, to your own design, a last test if you will. One that is designed in such an exact way, a clock work. There is no recipe for everyone is different, but the ultimate goal is the same, to go in one last time, to do it all over again, and this time, to escape the game completely, to join source. There is a chance to believe that there may be a group as well, a study group that are in the same stage and that they all decided to come through one more time or that they come at it alone. It doesn't matter, all that matters is that the design is perfect, and it makes sense, it has specific commands to keep you on track, as if you thought about all the shiny things that will distract you, and it keeps you, until you can remember. Yet remembering is only the first step, then you must take the reign of your Dharma once more, continue the study, once more, and get out of the Karma that you had to create in order to come again. But if everything goes well, at the end you will be one with source, and the mission will be complete.

This understanding humbles me, for I know nothing about anybody else's journey. I know not what stage they are in, For all I know they are Masters that designed their life as they did for a reason, maybe as a favor for humanity. For all I know these sleeping giants are just waiting for us to be ready.

Thank you for your Assistance

Sometimes we long for home right?
Sense of "this is not where I am supposed to be" ...
you probably are right,
you are probably from a star,
but we need you now...
you came to help us humans find our way back.
So .... on behalf of us humans, we thank you for your sacrifice,
we know that it hurts to have this skin, to feel, to be apart from home...

You are selfless spiritual warriors from across the galaxy.
You will go back home, and it will be glorious... because of the deed you are doing here...
Hold on for us and thank you! ... and remember,
since you have our skin now, you are human, you are one of us too,
and we protect you too... we embrace you,
and we want you to remember how to shine,
we love you and you are our sister.

Thank you!

The Patterns of Life

Today is Friday, which means that I am posting one of the subjects I put in my original INTRODUCTION back in 2009.

This week is about the patters of life, which is an interesting topic and one of my favorites for so many reasons and maybe a lot of us are able to see these patterns present in all that surrounds us.

When we go to school and come across algebra we cannot immediately see why all those equations and graphs are good for. However when I was in college I was actually able to realize why mathematics is the language of the Universe, or at least so I thought I understood.

I think I even cried one day because I tried to ask an existential question to my MATH teacher expecting an existential answer, and all I got was a math answer, although now that I think about it I wish I could have that recording...I am sure that math answer would make so much more sense now than what it did that day.

The most important thing that I realized about algebra was that you can actually build an equation for a lot of things, and I used to think that you can actually build an equation that will define a person’s life. Such equations depending on the sign, the exponent etc… have different graphs and that those are the waves that we follow every day.

For example when an equation is set, the uniqueness is given by the variable, and the variable for me in this example is us. I say all this to explain how I understand the patterns of life. The patterns like equations exist, however the situations and outcomes are always different, forming a different wave and a different frequency because of the variable that makes the result change. If the equation is set so the graph goes downward slopping, if the variable has an opposite sign it can change the whole of the graph. And that is exactly what happens with humans. We often follow patterns; some of them have been going for generations and generations however we have the ability to change the whole graph by being us.

The theory and philosophy of karma is very extensive, however the main idea is the same, we all carry on data from our ancestors, even communities, countries and even our planet has a karma that has to overcome. This karma is sometimes seen in form of patterns, for example when you go to a bad neighborhood and you see how the same story is repeated generation after generation, until one day one person changes a little or big factor and the whole family evolves.

Karma and patterns are not good or bad; they are just inheritance that have to be overcome so we can continue in the evolution process. So every time you can change a pattern in your life, have in mind that you may not be changing only your life, but your whole descendant’s future, and even your family, community, country and even our planet.

There is a method called recapitulation, in which you, by entering meditation go through some stages in your life, and as an spectator you can see a different perspective and sometimes you can actually see this patterns throughout your life. Some also call this archetypes, however the most amazing thing is that even though there are patterns, the human factor just creates a whole new thing. The way I see it, human consciousness is the beginning of the expansion in the universe. My theory is that by overcoming these patterns, and releasing karma it is the way to activate our DNA and unlock what is really hidden within, what has been covered by the dust of history. It is the big 8 lying down….. The serpent biting its own tail….









Pictures taken from:
http://www.eaglezen.com/images/new%20pics/infinite%20ONE.jpg
http://www.freewebs.com/destructionofthesticks/uroboros.jpg