The last one

Some may say "she gave up", some might say "she was strong" what they say I should not care, for both are true, I gave up and I have been so strong for so many for so long. I will move on with my blood tattooed across the land that embraced me, let my organic body feed the land that fed me and nurtured me, and when all the blood is spilled, knit a blanket with my hair and burn it to hell, to honor the life I built just to burn to the ground. Take my heart and throw it in a pond, for fishes to feast on what I could never rejoice.

And let my death be pointless, for they will say "she had it all" but you know this was the evil joke you planned for me all along. To fill me with pain in the middle of a rainbow, to make sure none knew. It was you who planned revenge on my soul the moment I went to seek for my own sun. I have learned my lesson, I cant outrun you, but I've also learned you are vengeful, and that makes you as imperfect as your toy. So kill me softly, and quietly, pour water in my fire, and as you extinguish my breath, you will know that you are not better than me, for by doing this to me you prove the reason why I jumped into the dark to find my own light.

Part 3 of 3

The pain of the Moon

I feel and I do too much, for even if the leaf falls the rumble disturbs my very core.
I am in the middle of a garden and I cant help feel the burst, I am a combustion a second from happening. And the voice tells me to calm down, to channel from earth to sky just how she taught me, but I am beyond practicing, I am at the end of my road.

There is a new invitation every day, and every day I cant find the strength to commit, to persevere, to purposefully and gradually release the fire that is burning a hole inside of me.

If it's all a dream, why cant I wake up? I am done, I've been born I've grown, I've shopped, I've reproduced, so can I die now? Can I go? Why would you want me here? Why would you show me the myst and then throw me out of my own home? Not only did I lose my wings, my shield and my sword and was pushed to live like a mortal, now you make me a bomb? Why?! And what is worst, is that you have made me a bomb and hid the trigger from my thumb.

Where is my magic? where is my temple? Why do I keep taking away my dreams? and what else do you want from me? Don't you think I've seen I am not the only one? I dont carry the message alone, and the cause is beyond my vision now, so why am I still here? I have no mission, no wings, no temple, no home, no shield, no sword, no purpose, just a hole and a bomb. What do you want to blow up? Why me? What did I destroyed that you have made sure I lose everything, and Now you go for my mind, when will it be enough? for you to allow me to just go and join the darkness of my soul?

Part 1 of 3

Growing Pains

I am not sure that I am at a perfect state of being, or understanding or anything for that matter.
Definitely I will not agree if someone ever tells me I have "figured it out", simply because I see new lessons unfolding before my very eyes on the daily basis. So, If you continue receiving lessons, doesn't that mean that you are still learning?

We learn from day one. The way to survive, love, understand, interact and all those other nice functions a human develops. But the learning never stops. I remember being a teenager thinking that nothing could touch me. Now I see teens doing similar things with similar attitudes and it always makes me mad. It is like I want to change my past by changing them.

For now, I have assimilated that my life went were it had to go. I had strong values to get out of my young years alive and sound. I had a fierce mother that was not afraid of me and made some tough decisions for me. I will always acknowledge that.

But at the end I also know that just as teens and even me, we are all going through stages and we can only aim for the best. I am not sure that a non-rebellious teen will do such a good adult. But again, everybody is different and life has to happen so you can live and let live. Ultimately This Planet is a school, getting us ready for so many other exiting things, but the good thing about this school is that you get the perks when you listen to that sixth sense, and when you ultimately try to live in flow with the universal laws.

None can escape universal laws, some can bend them (like neo in the matrix) but after all they are the bed for human nature theories, and ultimately the background for subjects like psychology and politics.

So let's keep learning, do not try to change your past through others, you can only visualize them taking the right choice, or the right choice taking them. But that is about it....action will come out of these meditations.

But then again....I am still in the path of understanding it all

Viridiana B